When my grandmother was in the hospital almost a year ago (well a year ago next month) - I wrote her a letter she could read just in case I couldn't make it back to say goodbye. Luckily, I did make it back to say goodbye but it still didn't make it any easier. To this day, I cry when I read this and I think just how lucky I was to get those 21 years with her. I can't imagine her life any other way. Boy am I blessed. So, in honor of another year of growth since she passed, here is the goodbye letter I wrote for my grandmother for those who would like to read:
May 21st, 2018
Dear Grandma,
You have been a gift to this world for 88 years. A full and joyful 88 years of life, of love, of giving, of generosity, and so much more. You are encouraging, kind, and an incredible role model I have gotten to know for my 21 years of life. You’ve raised 3 remarkable children, kept a starving husband full with a prepared meal each and every day, raised 7 amazing grandchildren who all treat their parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and each other with respect. We are in this world because of you, Grandma.
There are many reasons I love you and I look up to you. You have a witty and keene sense of humor and honesty. You are the first one to let us know if we are not fit to go out in public based on how we are dressed or acting without us even having to ask. Somedays I would be over at your house and you would look at me and say, “you know I really liked your hair better the way you wore it yesterday. Why don’t you go wash it?” Last summer at Laura’s wedding, I came downstairs to the hotel lobby to get on the buses to go over to the venue. I walk over to give you a hug and before I could even kneel down to kiss you, you patted my check and said, “You don’t have enough blush on honey.” I looked at you and said, “well, I don’t know what to do about that now, Grandma.” And you said, “Give me some lipstick and I’ll fix it.” Of course, I find Aunt Marcia who has actual blush and she added some blush to my cheeks. Next, I go to my mom because it’s too much. Mom dabs some off. I walk back over to you when we arrive at the venue and before I can say a word you say, “that looks so much better. Don’t you look pretty.”
You have an amazing love for polka dots. I know to save my polka dot shirts for when I will see you. Especially if they are pink and polka-dotted! You also have the biggest sweet tooth in the world. We all got our loves for sweets and salt things from you. You always had dessert at your house and would make us the biggest breakfast in town when we came over for brunch. The freezer was stocked with ice cream (sugar free for Grandpa of course) and plenty of bacon to go around. But, we also knew better than to take the last piece. That was grandpa’s and you will get slapped if you try to take it. If we tried to help you clean up, we were scolded and told to sit back down. Grandma, you also waited to eat until we were done to eat even when we told you to sit down and eat. You always came up with an excuse on why you couldn’t get off your feet just yet.
When we would come over and want to show you something cool we learned in dance you would applaud our attempts at cartwheels in the backyard and handstands in the hallway. The failed tricks on the swing sets and so much more. I remember telling everyone I dance with that my grandmother could still bend over and touch her toes and she was REALLY REALLY OLD, bet your grandma can’t do that. I admired you and still do Grandma. You danced, laughed, and boogied just like you were in your 40's. I never realized how lucky I was. I guess that's where we get that spunk from in this family.
I looked forward to coming to your house for many reasons. The brunch after church is a good place to start but that wasn’t my favorite meal. You made the best, and I mean the best, creamy corn, mashed potatoes, and green beans. No one’s are better. Still. And you always made them special for me. Whenever I stayed the night, I would lay down in the back bedroom upstairs and you would tuck me in. Then you would kneel next to my bed and we would say our prayers together. I would pray for a new doll and that I could stay at grandma’s all week watching TV in the back bedroom where no one would tell me to turn off the TV. You would pray for good health and longevity. You were also a little more intelligent than I of course. And you never complained, you never argued, you always took me to the grocery with you and to the bank. We drove around town with me in the middle seat sliding back and forth because I hated wearing that seatbelt. Grandma was the cool one. She always kept cheese it’s, popcorn, and peanuts in her pantry to snack on. We watched movies in the basement until the tv would break and she would yell for Wayne to come down and fix it. Heaven forbid we hit a BUTTON. Now that you're older, you sit on your chair and watch TV on the sunporch. Your hearing isn’t great, but your eyesight is still out of this world. When you want to see what’s going on in the world you ask us to go find your Facebook and point to my phone. Next thing you know it’s been an hour and you’ve commented and liked each and every single family member’s recent status update, picture post, and more.
I love our trips Grandma. Whether they are trips down memory lane in Maysville where you grew up, worked, were ran over by a school bus, or met Grandpa at the drugstore you worked at, I always learned so much. Or they were trips to the casino where you would bet all your money away at the slot machines. I love these trips. These moments with YOU. Thanks for watching me play soccer even though you hated it. Thanks for never missing a dance recital and sitting through hours of dance just for my 3 routines I was in. Thanks for letting me know that no boy was ever good enough for this Kentucky girl and that we are allowed to cancel plans if the Wildcats are on. Plus, thank you for telling me red was an ugly color on gameday (a sin of course) but allowed around the holidays. Thanks for riding around with me on my 21st birthday in the limo with all the cousins. And watching me go off to my senior prom, the DAY AFTER Grandpa's death and then off to college a few weeks later. You are the strongest woman I know. Thanks for visiting me at school and always welcoming me to stay with you when I come home. Thanks for loving me like I love you grandma. You are amazing. I think you’ve lived a good life, a hard-working life. So, whenever you think it's time to relax and join your handsome husband for the rest of eternity, know we are all going to be just fine down here because of the examples you have set before us. Grandpa is waiting for one more dance with his bride. I love you grandma.
I’ll see you soon,
Your Lexi-Lou
// Thanks for reading folks //
And yes - I still miss her. Especially cooking meals with her.
-- Lex --